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14 August 2013 @ 08:19 pm
Hello twenties  
My birthday was on Sunday, it wasn't terrible and it wasn't great.. Overall it was pretty much just meh. It didn't feel like my birthday, I knew that it was and I baked the cake myself (tastes awesome by the way) but, despite all the birthday messages and such, I don't know it sucked basically.

I sat up until midnight, knowing that mum likes to tell me happy birthday at dead on twelve only.. This year that didn't happen. She was sat right across from me and I didn't get anything. Okay, not a big deal I suppose, she'll do it later. That was when she decided to go to bed, 'feeling sick' (read, drinking) and I still didn't get a happy birthday from her.

Fast forward eight hours and I wake up, still no happy birthday.. I got one from several celebrities but not my own mother!

All day, I sat around, trying not to be upset because of it but my own mother didn't wish me a happy birthday. It sucks, to be honest.

Anyway, since my birthday I've been doing a lot of thinking, I want to go back to college, do something productive with my life instead of sitting around on my ass wishing I'd dome something already. Music seems to be the way I want to go this time, no more science.. I can't deal with it anymore and if I'm honest with myself, I always preferred music over anything else. I only chose science because I knew it was what mum wanted me to do and I ran with it.

Mum's not happy with my choice, wanting me to do my a levels again and I refuse, I can't sit through another two years of it, feeling horrible about myself because I know I'm not as good as everyone else in the class while I'm the oldest by far.

College is going to have to wait though, I'm moving in with my best friend in february so there's no point in enrolling next month if I have to up and move a few months later. I'm hell bent on taking some kind of lessons before then and trying to get the fuck over my stage fright. I've been doing karaoke in pubs, singing to a load of strangers is still terrifying but each time I do it I feel a little better about myself, I'm hoping that keeps improving until it's not there any more.

In short, I've been twenty for 4 days and despite having been at a loss as to what to do for over a year.. I finally worked out what I want to do and on top of that I feel good about myself. I have new clothes, new hair and I feel like a brand new me. It's amazing.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful