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16 July 2012 @ 10:58 pm
Because of you..  
my mother's broken my mental health. there's a legitimate mental health problem caused by being a kid who's grown up with an alcohol dependent parent and I seriously think that I have it.. I can't deal with being in the house any more but I can't get out. I keep trying but there's no-where to go. She yells at me for doing nothing and when I try to do something I get yelled at more. My family is broken and it's because of her. I can't function half of the time any more. I have no idea what the hell I feel half of the time. Randomly crying at things that aren't even sad but I'm too scared to bring it up to anyone in case they either call me mental or tell me it's nothing and they can't help me. I've been told to get counselling but I can't tell a stranger about all of the ways my mum's drinking has affected and the way my life has ended up. She screams at me for not going to college but I'm 100% sure I've failed so what's the point in going back to start next year's work until I know what my results are? I turned up to the first two weeks and didn't see the fucking point in it at all. If I've failed, I've fucked up my life and can't try again until I have the money for tuition which I don't. So I'm ending up the way she is even though that's the one thing I never ever wanted my life to end. I just need out of here before she poisons my life any more. Just being around her makes me sick. She shoots down all of my opinions without even hearing them out. Like I suggested we try out being veggies for like a week and she gave me a dirty look and told me to stop being fucking stupid. I hate to say it but she's the stupid one not me.
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